Comments on: Deconditioning Reflux http://www.elhazablaze.com/2009/12/deconditioning-reflux/ Elhaz Ablaze: Chaos Heathenism on the Web Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:57:47 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Henry http://www.elhazablaze.com/2009/12/deconditioning-reflux/comment-page-1/#comment-321 Henry Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:32:57 +0000 http://www.elhazablaze.com/?p=899#comment-321 As I mentioned to Dan last night, I guess the other thing is that even if I have not cleared out all of my "stuff", I've nevertheless made huge progress. Life is a continuous, not discrete, process, and perhaps making huge leaps and bounds is the most we can ever ask for anyway... As I mentioned to Dan last night, I guess the other thing is that even if I have not cleared out all of my “stuff”, I’ve nevertheless made huge progress. Life is a continuous, not discrete, process, and perhaps making huge leaps and bounds is the most we can ever ask for anyway…

]]> By: Henry http://www.elhazablaze.com/2009/12/deconditioning-reflux/comment-page-1/#comment-320 Henry Mon, 21 Dec 2009 11:00:11 +0000 http://www.elhazablaze.com/?p=899#comment-320 Thanks. Of course, there is no certainty in such judgements. The feeling I experienced was of being emptied of my resistance and fear - and consequently my actions were unencumbered and free. I took my ability to actually do the job well as a sign that I had overcome that blockage, that resistance. Reflecting in turn on what remained of my experience revealed an <em>aversion</em> which, though it didn't inhibit my freedom of action, certainly gave me a strong sense of trajectory for what felt right. I find doing boring work in poisonous contexts to be repellent. It is difficult to be certain about these estimations - hence my point that deconditioning work can sometimes lead to people violating their own identity (at least, I have seen this in others). One test will be whether my ability to act continues to be unencumbered and indeed continues to expand. As for your question - my objective was to be able to "succeed" in such a job, but that objective was framed in ignorance about the full set of factors, such as aesthetic or ethical aversion, that would be relevant. As such, all I required was to be able to do it without fear or resistance until I managed to do it well. To have forced myself to continue would have been gratuitous and possibly damaging. I would have happily taken up a sales job framed in more aesthetically and ethically satisfactory terms, however wyrd jumped in and beat me to the punch and I think it to be tasteless to ignore such an invitation and provocation. So ultimately I trusted that spontaneous spirit that has guided me through this process, and trusted my committment to resist self-deceit. I observed myself act freely, and felt myself free of emotional weight. Is any of this certain? Of course not. Is it strong enough, however, that my interpretation seems to be the most adequate one I can find? I think so. I don't think any attempt at personal evolution can provide anything more solid than this. If, say, I took this as a sign that I now no longer need to do anything to evolve at all - then I would get suspicious. That not being the case... Thanks. Of course, there is no certainty in such judgements. The feeling I experienced was of being emptied of my resistance and fear – and consequently my actions were unencumbered and free. I took my ability to actually do the job well as a sign that I had overcome that blockage, that resistance. Reflecting in turn on what remained of my experience revealed an aversion which, though it didn’t inhibit my freedom of action, certainly gave me a strong sense of trajectory for what felt right. I find doing boring work in poisonous contexts to be repellent. It is difficult to be certain about these estimations – hence my point that deconditioning work can sometimes lead to people violating their own identity (at least, I have seen this in others). One test will be whether my ability to act continues to be unencumbered and indeed continues to expand.

As for your question – my objective was to be able to “succeed” in such a job, but that objective was framed in ignorance about the full set of factors, such as aesthetic or ethical aversion, that would be relevant. As such, all I required was to be able to do it without fear or resistance until I managed to do it well. To have forced myself to continue would have been gratuitous and possibly damaging. I would have happily taken up a sales job framed in more aesthetically and ethically satisfactory terms, however wyrd jumped in and beat me to the punch and I think it to be tasteless to ignore such an invitation and provocation.

So ultimately I trusted that spontaneous spirit that has guided me through this process, and trusted my committment to resist self-deceit. I observed myself act freely, and felt myself free of emotional weight. Is any of this certain? Of course not. Is it strong enough, however, that my interpretation seems to be the most adequate one I can find? I think so. I don’t think any attempt at personal evolution can provide anything more solid than this.

If, say, I took this as a sign that I now no longer need to do anything to evolve at all – then I would get suspicious. That not being the case…

]]> By: Dan http://www.elhazablaze.com/2009/12/deconditioning-reflux/comment-page-1/#comment-319 Dan Mon, 21 Dec 2009 06:30:24 +0000 http://www.elhazablaze.com/?p=899#comment-319 This is very interesting, and it was obviously the right decision to go - and Congrats on the New Job! However, being the empirically/literally-oriented killjoy that I am, I am wondering how you were able to conclude that you had indeed Deconditioned rather than simply dip your toe into something that you do still harbour genuine "stuff" around. I've read what you've written and am still wondering how one untangles or distinguishes between the two. Is simply gaining and starting the sales job what you were attempting to achieve? Kudos, if so. This is very interesting, and it was obviously the right decision to go – and Congrats on the New Job! However, being the empirically/literally-oriented killjoy that I am, I am wondering how you were able to conclude that you had indeed Deconditioned rather than simply dip your toe into something that you do still harbour genuine “stuff” around. I’ve read what you’ve written and am still wondering how one untangles or distinguishes between the two. Is simply gaining and starting the sales job what you were attempting to achieve? Kudos, if so.

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